America's next top model.Sep 03
I hate TV, any form of mainstream digital entertainment that involves none time-shifting entertainment and is pre-chewed for the masses is sure to send me reeling for my laptop or otherwise nukes me to level 5 of the coma scale. Especially reality tv is extremely unnerving. But since there is only room for either my laptop OR my tv dinner , sometimes I get caught in the crossfire and have to watch an entire episode of this crap while having lunch. So enter "America's Next Top Model" where 12 arrogant good-for-nothings get selected to walk and jump around for none other then catwalk washup number one : Tira Banks. With molecular precision we are introduced to the world of the beginning model and the challenges it brings. Like for example : Living together. The daunting task of having to share a luxury apartment, (jacuzzi and all included) with other people is quite hard (so we learn)… Oh my .. model X touched the mascara of model Y, Model Z said that model A was fat , Model A said that model Z said that model U said model X doesn't know her alphabet. In short : There is more gossip going on then in an old Basic program.
But there are more challenges to come. Riding the bus to get to a photoshoot is extremely difficult. In includes reading timetables and .. god forbid : Watching the clock. That means time lost commuting and not shopping. And of course : The hardest challenge for any model : Simply showing up on time for work … Oh my .. The horror ! And once they get there they have to " Work it " (that means: put one foot in front of the other when traversing the catwalk .. veeeerrry hard !I) Or they get other taks like ' Show us your Bonestructure'' and .. " More P-zazz honey' . Meanwhile this infamous cesspool of entertainment revolves around Tyra Banks fading career like spacedust encircles a black hole. Incredible ! I swear some of these girls are so shallow an fly could not even drown in the pools of their minds. And all along this stupid contest they get voted of one by one ( I personally think that the losers should work in a refugee camp in Soudan for two weeks straight , cleaning toilets ) because they constantly tell us (along with miss Banks) its "'soooo haaaard" being a model. If it indeed is , you would be cut out for a job at the camp in Soudan.. Here is your plane ticket .. But the worst is … The voting of ceremony. The girls that stay have to walk up to Tira where she hands them some kind of token or picture ( to get the message across the dirty blond hair into the hollow head) and Tira sais : "Congratulations, you're still in the running to becoming america's next top model" .. Now that would not annoy me if she just said it ONCE .. NOOOOO … The malicious model has to say it EVERY time to EVERY girl. Either SHE is autistic or I'm having problems with my short term memory. I think its the latter. People spontaneously have a brain hemorrhage after watching 20 minutes of this .. disease of a TV show.
But .. here comes the internet to save us all. With graphic cards getting stronger and stronger, CGI machines going into near infinite resolutions , the days of the model are OVER . Instead of having to work with the likes of Tira and here America's Top Model goons with all their flimsyness : Break out the Digital Model. She can BE however you want , WEAR whatever you want .. Work IT like YOU want it to. And perhaps she is shallow .. but thats OK. as long as she fits on an DVD. Look HERE for the fullsize picture and astound yoursellf that THIS IS a computer generated image. Congratulations.. you are still in the running to become America's next Digital model.