Sticky Mouse Syndrome.
When I look deeper and deeper into the soiled heart of the machine I am pretty much on the level with what has been the source of this mayhem. PORN ! As I absently wrap my fingers along the surface of the optical mouse lying around .. I feel it. Somehow there is some resistance when i want to pull back my fingertips. The palm of my hand is feeling a little damp .. the mouse is somehow a little … Sticky !!!!!
Taboo.
Every culture has its taboo's. Every community has its unsaid secrets. Things you don't talk about. Things you don't say. Hushed words in dark hallways. And not even the edge of real and cyberspace is free from them.
In all the years that I have been working in the IT support sector I have occasionally come across these "symptoms" when visiting clients or dealing with computers that people brought in. And in all my experience I can only say : When ever encountering this aquard phenomenon its best NOT to mention it .. to wash ones hands when done and never .. ever .. during even the slightest laps of your attention put your fingers near your mouth.
In the best Houses.
And it happens in the best houses. Rich or poor , your or old .. and just as disturbing with the male and female sex. You must understand. The results of these symptoms usually spread to the inside of the system as well. Corrupting the registry .. Dragging unwanted Trojans pop ups and what have into the immaculate registry. And soon after that the machine starts to show the strain as well. Time to call in the local IT consultant (that would be me ) to come down and fix the machine
So I get the call to come down to the clients house and take a look at this 'blasted computer' that has suddenly sprouted the urge to start surfing the Internet by its self and is refusing to run on an approximation of 'normal speed'. When I happily pull over on the driveway of client X I have my gear with me (just like a regular doctor) , pop in, accept the generously offered cup of coffee and listen to the problem , only afterwards to proceed to the 'study area' of mr or mrs X where the computer resides.
"It does it all by its self !"
Without thought I sit down at the machine and start clicking and clacking away into the computers malfunctioning operating system. And pretty soon the first naked lady pops up (on the screen) by herself. ' You see ! ' , the client shouts ecstatically ' It does it ALL by its self. This more then eager chance at getting an alibi for porn-on-the-screen usually sets of my first alarm bell. The harder people shout they DID NOT do anything .. the more likely it is .. that they did !
Pretty soon my spidy sense is confirmed as the registry is filled with Trojans and malware. Usually picked up at porn sites all over the globe where naked ladies, gentlemen or farm animals in various states of sexual arousal ask you to gingerly 'click here for free stuff'. What amazes me is that users DO this ! Imagine taping a peace of candy to an angry rotweilers collar and attaching a note " Free Candy" No one in their right minds would do so .. yet on these sites .. they do ! So the users computer is tended to feel the burn .
When I look deeper and deeper into the soiled heart of the machine I am pretty much on the level with what has been the source of this mayhem. PORN ! As I absently wrap my fingers along the surface of the optical mouse lying around .. I feel it. Somehow there is some resistance when i want to pull back my fingertips. The palm of my hand is feeling a little damp .. the mouse is somehow a little … Sticky !!!!!
Sticky mouse alert !
My tummy gently banks to its side as I can suddenly feel the world shrink around me. With the dumbstruck innocent mr X sitting inches away from me I cannot squeal a profound IEUWWWWW when I discover : STICKY MOUSE SYNDROME ! or SMS. !
The nature of sticky mouse syndrome is combination of porn on the computer and the fact people are either right OR left handed in both using a mouse and spanking the proverbial primate. In extreme cases of … lets just call it 'on line infatuation' with not-so-highly-clad ladies on the Internet this results in bodily fluids ending up in places where they do not belong. This mostly due to the fact that the user right clicks with the very same hand and does not have a Kleenex in reach.
As I try to keep my composure, user X looks at me sheepishly and chooses that very moment to proclaim he has absolutely NO idea how that ' dirty picture' ended up on his hard drive. As I fight to keep my poker face, i cannot help but feel my skin gently sticking to god knows what on the mouse's surface. I gently spread my knees and look down to the very end of the comfortable office chair I am sitting on and that is probably used by user X on a daily bases. Very small strange stains seem to perch on the side .. I shudder once again.. and as I race through the job longing for a big peace of soap to wash my hands with … I keep on cursing to myself .. how I hate .. Sticky mouse syndrome.