March-ial Law !

I'm seriously considering declaring Martial Law in my agenda starting March first. I've been to school yesterday and all the stuff we have to learn and get in our heads before the end of June is starting to freak me out. If I keep this pace up (letting the freebies take over the agenda) I’m going to flunk my year or go nuts (or both) So i'm working on a scheme to get my time management in order starting march the first. And I am going to try to rule with an iron fist. Perhaps I’ll even make a little project out of it. I did however give myself half an hour off yesterday as I had an 'iced coffee' in a little diner along the way to Leuven. I've been planning on going there for some time and have noticed that IF I give myself a little 'time off' i'm in a much better mood afterwards. (So I am going to do that more often). Listened to some great Tiesto tunes driving towards GroepT and although Swift is giving me a hard time , teasing me that I can't go along to the concert ,it won't spoil my mood (I hope Mickey Mouse takes Swift from behind .. NAH!)

Also did some updates on the mail page but still have to upload them. And i've did some browsing around for some free web templates since the KNIGHTNET.BE website has to be up pretty soon. Svenno promised to have everything ready by March first but i'm very cautious as to him actually getting to that deadline (I have sent him a flame mail , but no response yett). Any good cheap website designers out there ? ( It never hurts to have a backup in place just in case).

Weekend is coming and although I still have some work to do I'm really looking forward to spending some time with Nyana. Peraps we'll go walking in the snow somewhere or just lounge out in each others arms all afternoon. Don't know , don't care as long as we get to spend some time together. Time time time.. Do this do that .. my blog is more like my agenda.. I must bore you all to bitts.

To those of you who want to 'read on' why not try some blogs i check out every day :

the lovely Marjolein : ,

The spicy Kitty

The naughty bois_inside

The over- churchly Kirylinn:

and for very nice pictures for your background , also found at

Well , thats it for today. The poap is croacking in a hospital, the sun is shining, the weekend is coming and the first freebie will be shot and gutted with a rusty hairdryer.

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Lets shoot Admiral Freebie !

Just a quicky on my Ibook, cause its been much to long since i had a chance to update. Life is a hectic non-stop string of events these days and I find myself frustrated and angry most of the time while rushing from one appointment to another. Its a mixture of anger at myself cause i'm so bad a saying NO, frustration over the fact that i don't get to do the things i want to do or should do (priority's all jumbled over) and disappointment at how some people treat you , even after you pull them from the mess they made themselves. Its like i am becoming this 'commodity' , this 'service' people think they can call upon whenever they please. Now let me just point out i'm NOT talking about friends and clients here. For friends i'm glad to be there, for clients i'm supposed to be there. But its mostly the 'freebies' that tick me off. I've been spending the last 2 weeks rushing between appointments for my family. I've been offering a helping hand in the shop, driving my dad to hospital, fixing up my brothers adsl connection, making a video for my cousine and so on. And it just never ends. What makes me mad is that these people just start taking me for granted. For example, I help out in the shop on Saturday morning so my brother can sleep in because he had to work late Friday night. We agree that it's till eleven o'clock (gives me a chance to go fetch some stuff at a clients place). At eleven I have to call him to check something (he's up and awake) but he doesn't come down until twelve o'clock. Totally jumbling up my plans. This is the kind of 'taken for granted' i mean. It pisses me off beyond belief. The arrogance that i might be some kind of personal slave who will work for you while you have the luxury of an long and good breakfast. I mean COME ON !!! I've been out that same Friday till four o'clock , and I got up early , (did NOT have breakfast) just to help him out. DAMN ! That is what pisses me off. I can drag up a few more examples but I'm not gonna do that. The thing is i'm frustrated that i have such a hard time saying NO to these people who, afterwards, treat me like shit anyway. Family is a burden my friends ! (at least i think so). But I should be more mad at me. For these last three years i have had a hard time getting some personal time. I have for example been planning to take myself out for a cup of coffee for about…. 3 weeks !!!!! Three whole weeks I have been planning to go out for a coffee with my Ibook, sitting down and having ONE freaking Cappuccino. Always something has come up. Or perhaps i LET it come up ( I can't sit down by myself and enjoy some down time without feeling guilty). I think I should be more assertive. Because all this shit is starting to influence our relationship. This week, me and Saskia had ONE HOUR to lie down on the couch in each others arms. And that is it for FIVE FUCKING DAYS ! Yesterday i squandered my ENTIRE evening making a video for my cousin and went straight to bed. From when i got home to when i went to bed i was the willing slave of my family. Waaw ,just great. But i'm on a rant here. Lets not get carried away. But its true. When you are rich , everybody wants a peace of you, when you are famous , everybody wants a peace of you , and when you have skills , everybody wants a peace of you. I'm down with that cause I make a living out of that skill. But what bothers me is that people start taking you for granted. (for example : freebies) The one thing that ticks me off is that they expect you to do stuff for them, go OUT of your way to get it done and meanwhile THEY are relaxing and being all relaxed and lazy about the whole thing. Damn I can just about TAKE OFF with pissed-ness . (BIIIIIGGG SIGH… RELAXXXXXXXX) .. There , thats better. Time for martial law in my agenda. No more mr Nice guy , Clients come first, freebies dissipate into oblivion.

In other news me and my ibook have become the best of friends. Along with the new mailserver at the Knightscastle (thank you Tuke) it has become the one major lifeline to home in these overly-mobile days. I love the white little one because you don't need to boot it up , just open the lid and tadaaaaa. You can start working right away. Sure there is about a ton of MAC-knowledge i have to learn, but for now the little baby does just what is has to do. It gives me a place to WORK. The new backpack I got (teeny-weeny Hedgren backpack , that lets me store my ibook along with the bare essentials) is becoming this 'standard bubble' on my back (and the steady companion where-ever I go) Been working on my 'mobile suitcase' an extra sportsbag to drag around in the car filled with more mobile equipment (books, hub, power cords, access point, mobile hard disk etc) I've had this setup before ( back when i was working for the ictopus project) and it was like a mobile-support-lab to carry around wherever i go. .. Isn't it strange that the more mobility i have in my life.. the more i crave to just be .. home ?

Continued on the road (where else).
I find myself amazed at the fact there is a Wifi Hotspot at my local hiardressers. Unfortunately its not free , you have to be a telenet client to use it or be a student at the PHL (i'm neither) So no free wifi 🙁 .. Damn , cant wait for the wifi-project that they are rolling out in Hasselt) Even the local Cafe across the street has been connected , but i just don't have a login (damn:§) But this makes living in Hasselt a whole lot easier. Come to think of it , what good is a mobile lifestyle if you don't have a permanent connection to the internet. I mean , using your computer off-line is pretty lame , isn't it ? But still. In other news : I have a new crave. I'm absolutely wild about bloggs. Livejournal has this page where in chronologicly posts every latest entry of bloggs posted on their servers. So you get this big palet of snippets of people's lives (one blogg entry for each blogg) and you get to peer into people's lives. Isn't that just great ? I just love reading trough the page and finding interesting pictures people posted or looking at what people are saying. Its quite addictive stuff :).

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Thinking of her…

My love.

Time flows like a silent river. The babbling brooks of days gone by flow into its gently swinging curves. Like lightning strikes the dark but ever present horizon. I sail with you through the oceans of time and over the waves of life. You are the sea that keeps me afloat, you are the water that drowns me. You are the happyness I bathe in and you are the darkest abyss of my sorrow.

Everywhere I look I see you and even when my eyes are closed your love taints the darkness an amber gold. You are the core where my planets spin around. The center of the gravity of my existence. without you i would be lost, adrift in space. My heart cold and empty. My life bursting with the vacuum of emptyness.

It is so hard to find words that tell what you mean to me. For your soul cannot be caught in letters nor numbers. One cannot pin the wind to a peace of paper. Or paint a sunsett in black and white. There is so much of you I cannot grasp and cannot understand.

The only shell that clamps my feelings in a feeble motion is.. that i want to be yours forever.

Poetry just jumps me from time to time :).

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Prelude to @-homeness.

hmm. time for another update, trying to find the balance between techno babble and Babylon-doom-style posts. Not easy though. Start of with the practical stuff i guess. Yesterday i decided to skip class because i was just to damn tired. Almost ran a red light in the morning and felt all fuzzy all day long. One does need more sleep ! The whole Babylon scenario is more energy-draining then i expected. Add to that some fun filled weekends (cause one has to set ones mind of things) and by the middle of the week I’m just about ready to star in 'revenge of the sleep deprived zombies'. So i took the 307 southbound instead of school bound yesterday and crashed on the couch the minute I got home (and fell asleep). Maggie (our cat) came purring up and nestled himself on top of me instantly .. We fell asleep together ( i do envy our cat, he gets to sleep all day long !). Sas came home at about 7 and we went out for fries (i HATED getting up and going outside, I’m very moody when I’m tired) Watched some TV in the evening (I tried to sleep but I cant sleep with the TV on) Went to sleep at about 9 and cursed the damn tube. I am starting to hate TV (cause its linear / one-way entertainment) (and for that , i get irritated pretty fast by radio too). Am i so used to the internet, digital on demand radio and downloading the stuff i like ? Don't know. I just think its a petty people just sit there and stare at the tube (with absolutely NO quality shows) Yes, one could argue that sitting behind the computer is the same thing. But then you are interacting with SOMEONE. .. Perhaps I just feel the drag of not being home enough (always on the road). Its weird keeping in touch via Chat and Email with your own fiancé (even if we DO live in the same house) But we don't get to spend much time together. (ok , we sleep together , but that’s beside the point) I've calculated how much time we get to spend together over the week. Monday / Tuesday: 3 hours (7pm to about 10pm) Wednesday / Thursday (nothing , i get home at 11pm) Friday (about three hours , sometimes more if we go out) And the rest ? Saturday afternoon and evening and Sunday. That’s it. Imagine us having kids ? We could set them up for adoption from day one cause we would never be home to take care of them. Lol.

Well , thank heavens for the internet . If it weren’t for the internet I would be lost. Me and Sas keep in touch over Email and chat, I am working on more ways to stay 'connected' when i'm away and its all trough the net. Oh bless you Berkeley !!

Speaking of Berkeley. they invented BSD (a Linux distribution) and guess what . A variation of BSD is the core of apple's OSX .. and Apple OSX runs on… MY IBOOOK !!!! (and i told you about that , didn't I). Of to another busy weekend : Mobile-man AWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy

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A -life-dot-mobile.

Been a while since my last post. I have decided to let all the bad stuff flow away in this post. Don't feel like getting all wrapped up in it all over again. Yes , Babylon is still burning but I’m getting a bit used to the heat of the fire right now. The biggest challenge i have right now is the demand of my time. I'm swamped with stuff to do and things to arrange (its almost like the time when we where renovating our house) but I’m trying to cope with it. I face one of my biggest challenges everyday : Saying NO to people (messed up big time again yesterday by letting people take control of my time and just buckling instead of standing my ground). The only one who is fucked is Me (and Saskia) whenever my agenda is invaded with requests from others. It's hard saying no.. but as it turns out I’m going to have to learn it someday. I don't have anything planned yett for tonight (from 5 to 7 pm) so i have decided to take myself out for a cup of coffee (i have been planning this for three weeks in a row) and by god, I’m going to do it !. Just me .. and my Ibook (did i mention it arrived ?)

Yep , its here , from last Thursday i'm a proud mac owner and am enjoying my little 12" white buddy very much. Even bought myself a new tiny backpack to fit it all in and i am extremely pleased with my new outfit. Went to Aachen last week (did a beeline from Antwerp to Aachen to Hasselt just to be on time to pick it up).

I've started to realize I’m living a whole different life these days. I'm out the door so much that i hardly get the chance to sit down at my desk and do the work thats lying around there. I've been trying to come up with a ' techno survival pack' that helps mee 'keep in touch' with my 'home base'. Its quite difficult making your entire techno-surrounding adaptable to a life on the road. Its more then turning your office into a 'mobile office'. I'm trying to turn my 'life' into 'a-life-DOT-mobile'. (I’m techno ranting again.) But think of it as a cross-platform-opensourced-remotely-connected-portable-lifestyle. Now THERE is a title for an essay.

Because i am on the road this much I’m building this 'mobile lifestyle kit' in order to be able to survive while on the road and stay connected and in touch with my life at home. The way it looks right now it's pretty useless having all my stuff stored on my pc at home. So i'll just have to figure out a way to "get myself connected". The 'mobile office' i'm building is going to be just that. No matter where i go , I’ve got to have 'connectivity' or at least be able to work. So , First-class , web mail , vpn connections , war driving , Gmail , remote file access , remote desktop, blogging etc etc…. . it is going to have to come together to give me a virtual connection to my 'base-life'. Even in the weekends I’m out the door a lot so its imperative i get this stuff to work. (now here is a challenge 🙂 )

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Just … Be !

What are the lines below ? The lyrics of an anthem.. the words of a song that has unlocked the secrets of the third decennium to me…

Is it poetry in the modern world or a psalm of fundamental truth in a haze of chaos.

I don't know but what i do know is that it feels so right it has to be true.

'You can travel the world

But you can't run away

From the person you are in your heart

You can be who you want to be

Make us believe in you

Keep all your light in the dark

You're searching for truth

You must look in the mirror

And make sense of what you can see

Just be

Just be'

As I feel the world around me falling apart somehow I can see beyond the destruction that will come. As the past tears away and tradition is shattered and blown away in the storm of time, I see my own life emerge from the chaos. There is a sense of loss that what once was, will never be again. A pang of pain and guilt that some things are counting down to extinction. But on the other hand as the past falls away my future is set free from the chains of what once was. As 'where i came from' fades away 'who I really am ' starts to shine ever more bright. For with the good goes the bad and both are resolving into nothingness. I do not know if, when this is over i will be lost or if i will be free.. But no matter what happens… i will.. Just BE !

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Babylon burns on….

Its not realy my day. Allthough I had half a day off from work i've been running around like crazy trying to get everything sorted out that needs to be done. And there is shit flying everywhere. To top it all off my Ibook has arrived, but with the wrong keyboard. I'm sitting prepped up next to the phone for the shop to ring that everything is in order and that i can pick up the ibook tomorrow… but no such luck I guess. Meanwhile Babylon continues to burn and I try franticly to keep the fire from our Island of snow. I've been spending some time at my parents place these days, helping out and stuff.. And I am still amazed at how fast and how firmly this plave puts me down. I feel like a kid again.. and … I didn't have a happy childhood. And now the responsability of the child towards the elder comes into play. And part of me just can't cut it.

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