Today my personal blogg takes on a very important role as i use it to officially make a "press statement" following the termination of my contract at Harte Hanks. Before rumours go around like wildfire and my name and reputation are put on the line , I would like to point out just what the reasons for my dismissal where. Whenever you collect enough dust its by no means hard to create a landslide. When you sum up enough errors someone makes you can easily stick them together to make a big ball of blame. When you read the words just right you can make a sentence sound any way you want to. Each of us has his own truth and we all look at the world from our own point of view. To each his own truth. No matter how strong you are you cannot stop a sandstorm and no matter how steady you stand, there is no way to fight quicksand. The inevitable cannot be put off. The bottom line is that my mentality, the way i do things, handle people, and see trough people, threatened the balance of power and knowledge in the department i worked. As the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one I can surely understand the reaction and the actions that followed it. Sometimes people work together like a charm, sometimes they collide. I have the utmost respect for my colleagues and understand that some of them found it difficult to 'get along' with my 'challenging' personality. But as a wise man once said : "This is not a democracy".(but then again : what is it ?) The other reason for my dismissal was the fact that I had already negotiated with another firm for a job opening, because, as you know , I have recently purchased a house and job stability is important for me. I still had temp-contracts with Harte Hanks and was looking forward to getting 'the contract' to be enlisted on the payroll of the company. However there where also promising options elsewhere. Because these options where contradictory I found myself betting on two horses. When i was asked by my superior if I had job-options with other companies I had to withhold the truth because I wanted to give the HH-option all the best chances. Disclosure of the information would have damaged these. I find myself deeply troubled by this, for the truth is a very important value for me, and was forced into a position where I could not be true to this value. This was very hard for me , I try to be a man of my word, but the ends justified the means. As my departure with the company has gone so fast I have not found the time to say just how nice it was to work there. Surely there have been ups and downs and in the long run, I might not have "fitted in" in the current picture. But still. It was fun to work with all these nice people. As the Vulcans once said : "The honour is to serve". Now I am overlooking a new horizon and as I gaze back I am grateful for the things I have learned and perhaps for the small but crucial insight I have brought into the whole. Goodbye my whacky Italian, Dutch, Russian, Swedish, American, Belgian and other friends. I wish you all the best.
As dawn slides its purple cloack over the spires of the city, i sit in silent contemplation and think about the fields of home. Wrapped in a warm blanket of the shards of my nightly dreams I feel at ease and not ready for the world ahead. The city barely sleeps and still the silence glides trough the streets as a fleeting fogg. I close my eyes and see te morning mist wade trough the trees and over the fields of my home town… I open them and see the morning crawl through empty corridords and past standing giants. Like a harbour in the fog these great ships await their passengers only to travel trough the seas of their life, but never move an inch. I let my thoughts whisper and think of how the world would be if no one would wake up today. If the world held its morning breath and let me alone wade trough the frozen time. I could crawl up in a little ball and let the night claim me once more. I could hide in the cracks of my deepest dreams and live them as if they where real. Dawn is such a beautifull time. To quiet to be awake as ones soul screams for dreams to come again, to beautifull to sleep trough as its serenity is so beautifull. Dawn is like a snowscape , untouched. The only way to discover it is to wade trough it.. and thereby disturbing it forever. Dawn is a duality, a paradox if you want. The doorstep to a new day, the last look at a fleeting night. Dawn is the balance between the silence of ones inner soul and the adventures of the dreams that came. As time seeps trough my finger I try to cling to this quiet time. When the empty echo of the streets is reflected by my inner peace. As my soul is quiet and untouched by the troubles of the world.. I sit on a bench in the morning fogg, along the pool of my mind.. And see only the ripples of my own toughts wade over its motionless surface.
Sunday mownin! Aah , the joys of getting up a tad late followed by a splash on the couch with a cappuchino and some great epps of Spongebob Squarepants on the tube. Shower afterwards and enjoy a few moments of quit peace behind the pc. Damn, I know it sounds geeky but this is my favourite day of the week. Meanwhile me and Swift are still riding the VPN wave updating our knowledge on encripted connections and the possibilities that come with it. The only issue is that I don't have enough time ! Oh well, one does what one can. Went to the fair in Hasselt last night with Nyana. Watched the fireworks and took a good look at the people all around us. Its shocking to see that couples with kids these days are mostly YOUNGER then we are. Just as they drag around a buggy full of screamin' kid we parade along without a worry in the world. Kids are cute , but not to have some of your own. Its amazing how i can look at the world and be amazed at how people look, how they live, what they do. And just realize how different everybody is. I mean , look at kids these days ( and i refer to the 14 to 18 year olds) Man ! They look like they came runnig out of a bloody mtv videclip. The homiez meet the chicka's. I must restrain mysellf from rolling with laughter whenever I see one of those 50-cent wannabee 13 year olds walk by, with an attitute that can blow down a house. I seriously doubt the human race if they really think 'its cool' to look like that. Apparently it is , cauze seconds later a girl dressed in a way that would make Paris Hilton blush approaches our teenage-pimp and chats him up. I presume this is the sign that I am growing old. But no matter. Today its time to start painting our master bedroom. Nice and easy will do the trick. An Ipod full of enya, cappuchino and mousies will do the rest. AND THEN ! yes AND THEN i'm finally gonna get around to RE installing my freshly bought distro of SUSE linux. Yep. I could not resist the temptation yesterday and spent a hundred euro's on 2 dvd's 5cd's and 2 whoppers of books from SUSE linux's proffesional distro. Its allways cool to buy a distro like that (this is actually the third one i bought in the last 3 years). I think it feels like a newyears resolution. 'this year i'm gonna learn linux, and i'm gonna buy the distro to prove it' And the box ends up sitting on the shellf and you turn back to windows. BUT NOT THIS TIME (i hope). So little old me is gonna try stickin to the promise this time. Come to think of it i prefer working with Suse for doin my day to day stuff. Only when i have to configure stuff in command line and leave my mouse behind, i'm lost. But the course we're getting @ school this year tackles Linux so i hope its gonna be a motivation for getting to know 'joe', 'kate' and the dreaded 'VI" (linux technobablle, freaks will understand). We'll im off to my parents place to place and install a 'remote server'. Lozzalove my friends.
Life does goe fast. I have barely felt the beginnig of the week or we are allmost wednesday. Its a busy week, school, work, the company. There's a lot to be done. Yesterday i found this article about setting up a secure connection from my laptop from just about anywhere to my home network. I cant wait to try it out ! And thanks to the fact that Swift pointed some realy cool newsgroups out to me , i am once agian in an 'information rush'. So much data to see , so much to learn. I guess that it is just that that atracts me to this line of life. The prospect of learning something new every single day. Much to learn , much to find out. The only thing to do next is get the bug out of my linux system i installed on my laptop. When i type to much , the keyboard just freezes up :(. And i must say , i LIKE working with my linux distro. I can get just about anything done with it and somehow i like the look and feel better. To bad about the little glitch (have to iron that out). Enough techno babble. The thing that is bothering me is the small amount of time i spend at home these days. During the week i hardly see Saskia anymore. We are both beat when we get home and either i'm off on assignment or i'm off to school. Its too bad. We realy enjoy spending quality time together, and when the weekend comes thats what we try to do. (amids social obligations). Life in the 21"st century is pretty hectic. I do wonder if western civilisation is taking the right course. But outside temperatures are dropping and the autumn slides its gentle sword trough the trees. I snuggle up in my private thoughts and let the world rush by. Happyness is found in the simplest of things. A cup of coffee in the morning. A gentle touch from the person you love. The smile of a stranger and a twinkle in the eye of a new found friend. Its been a while but at last i find mysellf a knight amids the fields of the world again. Confident, alert and allthough the country wind does not blow trough the trees here in urbania, i still find mysellf enjoying the specs on the horizon. I miss my town sometimes but am curious for my new world. Of to apathy my friends, for the warlords of oblivion are beating there own hollow drums.
I find mysellf in the strangest of moods lately. Somehow whenever the world quiets down around me my thoughts dwindle away and i end up staring into oblivion thinking about the strangest things. When i stepped outside the airconditioned surroundings of the office into the real world, it hit me. Autumn is coming. Slowly but unstoppable. Now for those of you who do not know : I'm an autumn person. I love the falling leaves , the wett cold mornings, the amber twilights of the low setting sun, the sence of a world going to sleep. I enjoy it immensly. A cd of Loreena Mckennit (Celtic traditional music) along with a cup of cappuchino brought an air of calmness and peace over me. A big computerscreen , some candles and a quiet cellphone did the rest to give me a relaxed evening. *** For those of you who think i'm dead (because you barely see me on msn anymore) I can set the rumours at ease. I'm not dead , I just don't like MSN anymore. Now i KNOW its the pinnacle of communication, but let me illustrate. I booted up my E-life (my cyber life if you please) yesterday. Switched on my mail and got some mail. Nice and informative. Next I checked out some newsgroups. Also very usefull and informative. I got on IRC, followed the topics on some channels , nice nice, .. Switched on ICQ and aranged some stuff with Swift.. and then I switched on msn messenger . BAM ! THREE popup windows : 1 person asking me 'where i've been all this time' and why i haven't been on line for so long. BAM the second person asking me something about network cabling and BAM person number three demanding I would explain her how to build a website. Now i'm not unwilling to help but I get the feeling I dont get ANYTHING done anymore once i switch on MSN. I get the feeling i use 'Chat' for communication , as to some who use it purely recreational. Thats a change for me . Cause MSN used to be the pinnacle of my comm. system as i now find that if you wanna get hold of me, you can email me. I'll just have to clean up the list or give some straight answers to the 1st line helpdesk-msn buddies that i'm not a one-free-question stop on the internet. Well , i'm off. Real life is calling.