Enter sweet sandman

Ok , i just rounded up my little tri-annual checkup and have some time to kill. Class doesn't start in 3 hours and its not worth the while to drive all the way down to limburg and back. So after doin some walking about in Leuven i've landed at Groept and dove right back in my linux book. After the fairly interesting chapters i'm now down to the increadibly borind stuff. Man i do hope it gets better cause i'm fighting sleep like a dragon on fire. I strolled into the bookstore, checking out some books and cd's ( that i'll write down so i know what do download on Emule next time :p ) Plenty of IT related books but i know that @ home I have enough books around to defeat the next invasion of gian ants. Hmm. Must be the boring Linux chapter i'm reading right now that makes me so sleepy cause i allmost dozed off a few minutes ago. But i'm trying to lay of the coffee so Java will offer me no support in this one. One big latte this afternoon will just have to keep me going for the day. Outside we are enjoying the last rays of autumn sun and in between the long shadows the land is painted gold and green. As i sit here the world moves around me. People come, people go.. and for once I find mysellf silently waiting as time flows by. Well not doing nothing (studying, remember) but still. As the atmosphere of GroepT surrounds me for the third year in a row, i'm not surprised how much i feel at home down here. I walk the big spiral way to the top as commonly as my own stairwell. Plunge down in the cafetaria as i would in my own kitchen and drive trough the streets of Leuven as if i have been coming here for years. Well.. I have but.. thats not the point. The point is that the DISTANCE between Hasselt/Leuven is sometimes a bigger issue for those around me than for mysellf. Whenever I talk to people here and tell them where i'm from they go like : 'waaw , THAT far' while to me.. Leuven isn't at all that far. I mean , ok , its 45 minutes driving when its busy , 30 min's when i can push the envelope. But.. I don't see it as far.. I mean .. Thats what you get when you live in a backwater province like mine. When you wanna do something you just have to get around. It makes me feel a little 'metropolitan'. I shop in Maastricht, get my PC stuff in Aachen, study in Leuven. Try to grab a Cappuchino with a muffin in Antwerp once in a while. Even though we live in the city of Hasselt right now its funny that I'm still more on the road then home. So hey ! I get around ! Whats wrong with that. Leuven isn't far. Neither is Aachen or Maastricht , Antwerp is up the highway straight ahead. Whats the big deal anyway. I guess people see the journey from Limburg outward like some epic trek 'lord of the rings style' well I must disappoint you my friends. Its just a hop in the car and after a few years you get pretty used to it. (The innards of Leuven have become boring to me.. THATS how much I come here) With the week fully booked (have to go to Heverlee tomorrow and back to Leuven on friday and saturday) (not forgetting Antwerp on monday) i've seen quite a little peace of little belgium these days. Good thing for my GPS-lady (Mia) who helps me get around to where i gotta be. I would not now how to get to all those places just by mysellf. Hmm. coming to think of it I could come by train friday. It would be more convenient and i could just bunk out in the train for two hours. I mean whenever you have to travel an hour to get somewhere its WHAT YOU DO during that hour that makes it lost time or not. Suppose your by car, stuck in traffic and you stress up and eat your steering wheel for f*** 60 minutes striaght.. Then thats lost time. Spend that time listening to music, arranging your thoughts, or even listening to an Audio Book.. Its not really lost time is it ? Suppose your in a train 2 hours a day. You CAN spend that time reading, listening to music , working on your website or whatever. Its a little bit of a luxury to have 2 hours to fill in to your own discretion. The thought occured to me this morning when stuck in traffic. One does not control the situation one gets into , but we do control how we react in that situation. I could have been stressed up for losing time. Instead i listened to classical music on the radio and watched the sun rise over the hills around me while peeking at the people around me and wondering who they where and where they where going. Life is a big boardgame sometimes. You only have to make up your own game to play on it. Of to school it is my friends !

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I need a guI to make me happy !

Well : i'm finally getting round to some studying today and i've been digging trough the first two chapters of the book while trying out the info on my laptop and .. i can only conclude in this : Aaarg!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must say. this Linux thing is proving to be harder then i first expected. Ok , i know it was not going to be easy, but i never thought what a mouse-jockey i had become. Its all howdy dandy when you give me a nice gui and i can click my way into just about anything i want. But its harder when a silent prompt just stares at me from a dark screen. I read trough the manuals and think “when am i EVER gonna need this” and the next moment i find myself completely lost when trying to preform a simple task like copying or pasting a file using the console. Its starting over from scratch and its gonna take a lot of getting used to. But I don't have the luxury of falling behind. I have to learn this. Now that is just the thing. As you all know i hate toying around with things, just to toy around with them. I have to do something useful with them. I find myself BEFORE the point that i can use my acquired skills to actually 'do' anything, but I'm pretty frustrated to type commands down.. 'just to practice them' I hate moving meaningless files around just to get into the swing of it. Well no matter, it will be better in a few days. Meanwhile i have found a universal constant in Linux manuals. Whenever they give you ONE syntax, they give you 5 ! they all do the same .. but they give you the options just to confuse you. I mean , you don't give directions to someone saying. Drive this and that way / or that and that way / or this and this way / or this and so way. I mean : That person is gonna go bonkers on ya !. Well no matter. Back to chapter two. Oh yes ! just between the lines : I have found a way to work around my freezing keyboard problem ! until suse will give me an answer to my support query , I just retype the last two characters i typed, just before the keyboard freeze. And whaddajaknow ! It works . I read it somewhere on the Internet so i decided to try it out. am very curious as to what big-old-suse is gonna tell me. The error event that pops up into the event log is : "Linux kernel: input: AT Translated Set 2 keyboard on isa0060/serio0 so .. i'm curious if posting this on usenet will help me to find a real solution." *** In other news i'm dug into this small pocket book about hacking, viruses and espionage. I read something about the CARNIVORE program the FBI apparently runs on the email traffic all over the globe. Its actually quite scary. I mean not to dive into conspiracy theory's and all that , but still. Its pretty scary when you think about some gov-clecrk reading trough your e-mail.. and the concequences. http://www.rhizome.org/carnivore/ is a link i found on line to some kind of carnivore like program that constructs images from the data stream it intercepts (?) Its something realy freaky and i'm gonna check it out a little more. "Carnivore is a surveillance tool for data networks. At the heart of the project is CarnivorePE, a software application that listens to all Internet traffic (email, web surfing, etc.) on a specific local network. Next, CarnivorePE serves this data stream to interfaces called "clients." These clients are designed to animate, diagnose, or interpret the network traffic in various ways. Use CarnivorePE to run Carnivore clients from your own desktop, or use it to make your own clients." is the official qoute on the site. Cool enough to check it out. Imagine a picture of your face made up out of all the binary data gathered from the porn sites you surfed. Kinda cool to give to your parents. 🙂

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Is there an non-E-Existence ?

Thoughts are a turmoil. I am troubled by questions that I was not prepared for. Questions that made me stand and think. Questions that made me put things in perspective. 'Who are you'. 'Where are you going' 'Where do you come from'. Questions as simple that any soul can find an answer. And yett, questions as hard that there seems to be no answer for them. I was asked these questions by a friend, and again yesterday on an interview. The question who i was away from the keyboard caught me off guard. I was in no way expecting a question like that. I find mysellf troubled by the fact that i had to 'think' about who i was away from the keyboard. Over these last years my life has been focused on the virtual side of my existence. Learning , gathering skills and so forth. Not a day goes by withouth a connection to the internet. The world around me and the events that peek my interests are often found @ slashdot.org or on line. I communicate, live, breath on line. I was puzzeled by the inquiry to my 'off line' life. My non-E-Existence and i had to think about it a little bit. I do plenty of things that don't have anything to do with computers .. But i never thought people would value them so much as to ask for them. Well. When "AFK" dwindle down into a world that is very personal and private for me. I spend time with my girlfriend. Hang out with the select group of friends I have, go out, have a good time. I love to read. Allways dive my nose in a good book cause I despise TV. And quite frankly those books are OFTEN (but not allways) It related. These days one can find me totaly engulfed by the BENINI MISTERY (by Dan Brown), Introduction into phychoanalisis (by Freud) and on my PDA i'm reading "Shadows of the empire'. I love a good movie (preferebly some old one) and I try to relax the mind by talking a good stroll while listening to some relaxing music. Am i the outgoing type I used to be when i worked as a DJ ? Perhaps not. I love to crawl back in the dark corners of a tavern and watch the world go by. I love to watch people, love to meet people to. But I find a lot of happyness behind the quiet glow of the screen. The question also arose a fearsome image of mysellf as some kind of horrible lonely computer-nerd. I'm not that. Not that at all. Allthough i sometimes can understand that people want to hide from the off line world and curl up into cyberspace, allthough I understand that , when someone is facinated by the thousands of things the E-world has to offer, so much that you forget what lies outside.. I'm not that kind of person. I go to the library to study. Not because it's quiet there, but because there are people there ! I like to go out for a cup of cappuchino and write some entries for my blogg because there are other people there. When asked what i would like to do best : Dive into a good well founded IRC discussion about the issues of privacy on the internet , or play some football with some testosteron-infested-beer-drinking-burping-footballyapping dudes.. I would choose the first. I'm happy when plugged in.. but i roam wirelessly.

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This is not a Democracy.

Today my personal blogg takes on a very important role as i use it to officially make a "press statement" following the termination of my contract at Harte Hanks. Before rumours go around like wildfire and my name and reputation are put on the line , I would like to point out just what the reasons for my dismissal where. Whenever you collect enough dust its by no means hard to create a landslide. When you sum up enough errors someone makes you can easily stick them together to make a big ball of blame. When you read the words just right you can make a sentence sound any way you want to. Each of us has his own truth and we all look at the world from our own point of view. To each his own truth. No matter how strong you are you cannot stop a sandstorm and no matter how steady you stand, there is no way to fight quicksand. The inevitable cannot be put off. The bottom line is that my mentality, the way i do things, handle people, and see trough people, threatened the balance of power and knowledge in the department i worked. As the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one I can surely understand the reaction and the actions that followed it. Sometimes people work together like a charm, sometimes they collide. I have the utmost respect for my colleagues and understand that some of them found it difficult to 'get along' with my 'challenging' personality. But as a wise man once said : "This is not a democracy".(but then again : what is it ?) The other reason for my dismissal was the fact that I had already negotiated with another firm for a job opening, because, as you know , I have recently purchased a house and job stability is important for me. I still had temp-contracts with Harte Hanks and was looking forward to getting 'the contract' to be enlisted on the payroll of the company. However there where also promising options elsewhere. Because these options where contradictory I found myself betting on two horses. When i was asked by my superior if I had job-options with other companies I had to withhold the truth because I wanted to give the HH-option all the best chances. Disclosure of the information would have damaged these. I find myself deeply troubled by this, for the truth is a very important value for me, and was forced into a position where I could not be true to this value. This was very hard for me , I try to be a man of my word, but the ends justified the means. As my departure with the company has gone so fast I have not found the time to say just how nice it was to work there. Surely there have been ups and downs and in the long run, I might not have "fitted in" in the current picture. But still. It was fun to work with all these nice people. As the Vulcans once said : "The honour is to serve". Now I am overlooking a new horizon and as I gaze back I am grateful for the things I have learned and perhaps for the small but crucial insight I have brought into the whole. Goodbye my whacky Italian, Dutch, Russian, Swedish, American, Belgian and other friends. I wish you all the best.

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When comes the morning dawn.

As dawn slides its purple cloack over the spires of the city, i sit in silent contemplation and think about the fields of home. Wrapped in a warm blanket of the shards of my nightly dreams I feel at ease and not ready for the world ahead. The city barely sleeps and still the silence glides trough the streets as a fleeting fogg. I close my eyes and see te morning mist wade trough the trees and over the fields of my home town… I open them and see the morning crawl through empty corridords and past standing giants. Like a harbour in the fog these great ships await their passengers only to travel trough the seas of their life, but never move an inch. I let my thoughts whisper and think of how the world would be if no one would wake up today. If the world held its morning breath and let me alone wade trough the frozen time. I could crawl up in a little ball and let the night claim me once more. I could hide in the cracks of my deepest dreams and live them as if they where real. Dawn is such a beautifull time. To quiet to be awake as ones soul screams for dreams to come again, to beautifull to sleep trough as its serenity is so beautifull. Dawn is like a snowscape , untouched. The only way to discover it is to wade trough it.. and thereby disturbing it forever. Dawn is a duality, a paradox if you want. The doorstep to a new day, the last look at a fleeting night. Dawn is the balance between the silence of ones inner soul and the adventures of the dreams that came. As time seeps trough my finger I try to cling to this quiet time. When the empty echo of the streets is reflected by my inner peace. As my soul is quiet and untouched by the troubles of the world.. I sit on a bench in the morning fogg, along the pool of my mind.. And see only the ripples of my own toughts wade over its motionless surface.

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Ice cream Sunday.

Sunday mownin! Aah , the joys of getting up a tad late followed by a splash on the couch with a cappuchino and some great epps of Spongebob Squarepants on the tube. Shower afterwards and enjoy a few moments of quit peace behind the pc. Damn, I know it sounds geeky but this is my favourite day of the week. Meanwhile me and Swift are still riding the VPN wave updating our knowledge on encripted connections and the possibilities that come with it. The only issue is that I don't have enough time ! Oh well, one does what one can. Went to the fair in Hasselt last night with Nyana. Watched the fireworks and took a good look at the people all around us. Its shocking to see that couples with kids these days are mostly YOUNGER then we are. Just as they drag around a buggy full of screamin' kid we parade along without a worry in the world. Kids are cute , but not to have some of your own. Its amazing how i can look at the world and be amazed at how people look, how they live, what they do. And just realize how different everybody is. I mean , look at kids these days ( and i refer to the 14 to 18 year olds) Man ! They look like they came runnig out of a bloody mtv videclip. The homiez meet the chicka's. I must restrain mysellf from rolling with laughter whenever I see one of those 50-cent wannabee 13 year olds walk by, with an attitute that can blow down a house. I seriously doubt the human race if they really think 'its cool' to look like that. Apparently it is , cauze seconds later a girl dressed in a way that would make Paris Hilton blush approaches our teenage-pimp and chats him up. I presume this is the sign that I am growing old. But no matter. Today its time to start painting our master bedroom. Nice and easy will do the trick. An Ipod full of enya, cappuchino and mousies will do the rest. AND THEN ! yes AND THEN i'm finally gonna get around to RE installing my freshly bought distro of SUSE linux. Yep. I could not resist the temptation yesterday and spent a hundred euro's on 2 dvd's 5cd's and 2 whoppers of books from SUSE linux's proffesional distro. Its allways cool to buy a distro like that (this is actually the third one i bought in the last 3 years). I think it feels like a newyears resolution. 'this year i'm gonna learn linux, and i'm gonna buy the distro to prove it' And the box ends up sitting on the shellf and you turn back to windows. BUT NOT THIS TIME (i hope). So little old me is gonna try stickin to the promise this time. Come to think of it i prefer working with Suse for doin my day to day stuff. Only when i have to configure stuff in command line and leave my mouse behind, i'm lost. But the course we're getting @ school this year tackles Linux so i hope its gonna be a motivation for getting to know 'joe', 'kate' and the dreaded 'VI" (linux technobablle, freaks will understand). We'll im off to my parents place to place and install a 'remote server'. Lozzalove my friends.

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Like the sands of time slip trough our hands.

Life does goe fast. I have barely felt the beginnig of the week or we are allmost wednesday. Its a busy week, school, work, the company. There's a lot to be done. Yesterday i found this article about setting up a secure connection from my laptop from just about anywhere to my home network. I cant wait to try it out ! And thanks to the fact that Swift pointed some realy cool newsgroups out to me , i am once agian in an 'information rush'. So much data to see , so much to learn. I guess that it is just that that atracts me to this line of life. The prospect of learning something new every single day. Much to learn , much to find out. The only thing to do next is get the bug out of my linux system i installed on my laptop. When i type to much , the keyboard just freezes up :(. And i must say , i LIKE working with my linux distro. I can get just about anything done with it and somehow i like the look and feel better. To bad about the little glitch (have to iron that out). Enough techno babble. The thing that is bothering me is the small amount of time i spend at home these days. During the week i hardly see Saskia anymore. We are both beat when we get home and either i'm off on assignment or i'm off to school. Its too bad. We realy enjoy spending quality time together, and when the weekend comes thats what we try to do. (amids social obligations). Life in the 21"st century is pretty hectic. I do wonder if western civilisation is taking the right course. But outside temperatures are dropping and the autumn slides its gentle sword trough the trees. I snuggle up in my private thoughts and let the world rush by. Happyness is found in the simplest of things. A cup of coffee in the morning. A gentle touch from the person you love. The smile of a stranger and a twinkle in the eye of a new found friend. Its been a while but at last i find mysellf a knight amids the fields of the world again. Confident, alert and allthough the country wind does not blow trough the trees here in urbania, i still find mysellf enjoying the specs on the horizon. I miss my town sometimes but am curious for my new world. Of to apathy my friends, for the warlords of oblivion are beating there own hollow drums.

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Shifting of the shadows.

I find mysellf in the strangest of moods lately. Somehow whenever the world quiets down around me my thoughts dwindle away and i end up staring into oblivion thinking about the strangest things. When i stepped outside the airconditioned surroundings of the office into the real world, it hit me. Autumn is coming. Slowly but unstoppable. Now for those of you who do not know : I'm an autumn person. I love the falling leaves , the wett cold mornings, the amber twilights of the low setting sun, the sence of a world going to sleep. I enjoy it immensly. A cd of Loreena Mckennit (Celtic traditional music) along with a cup of cappuchino brought an air of calmness and peace over me. A big computerscreen , some candles and a quiet cellphone did the rest to give me a relaxed evening. *** For those of you who think i'm dead (because you barely see me on msn anymore) I can set the rumours at ease. I'm not dead , I just don't like MSN anymore. Now i KNOW its the pinnacle of communication, but let me illustrate. I booted up my E-life (my cyber life if you please) yesterday. Switched on my mail and got some mail. Nice and informative. Next I checked out some newsgroups. Also very usefull and informative. I got on IRC, followed the topics on some channels , nice nice, .. Switched on ICQ and aranged some stuff with Swift.. and then I switched on msn messenger . BAM ! THREE popup windows : 1 person asking me 'where i've been all this time' and why i haven't been on line for so long. BAM the second person asking me something about network cabling and BAM person number three demanding I would explain her how to build a website. Now i'm not unwilling to help but I get the feeling I dont get ANYTHING done anymore once i switch on MSN. I get the feeling i use 'Chat' for communication , as to some who use it purely recreational. Thats a change for me . Cause MSN used to be the pinnacle of my comm. system as i now find that if you wanna get hold of me, you can email me. I'll just have to clean up the list or give some straight answers to the 1st line helpdesk-msn buddies that i'm not a one-free-question stop on the internet. Well , i'm off. Real life is calling.

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