May all of us find peace of mind.

All over the world people are starving and getting killed in some war. Peace is a distant speck of light in a dark night of blood and humanity is racing towards its own oblivion within the next 200 years. Merry Christmas everyone ? If you can sit and pat your belly tonight, actually believing that Christmas is a time to think of your fellow man and all that then I hope you know who you are kidding. Once more the clock is ticking down on one of the saddest, most hypocritical and most disgusting nights of the year. Yes I don't like Christmas. Why ? because its become an orgy of presents and "getting". Under the all seeing eye of Santa clause (invented by Coca cola) we spend tons of money on useless crap, give it to each other and pretend that you are pleased with what you get. Christmas is no longer about sharing with your fellow man. We stuff our face with food as others starve, we give expensive gifts as others are poor. And we pretend to sit around the table with the people we love (or the ones we can 'stand') while others are lonely. Christmas is no longer the feast of peace. We are almost at war with each other fighting to get those presents bought. And peace is the farthest from my mind. Peace of mind that is. Why ? Not because I have the troubles of the world on my mind. Not because I’m thinking of 1000 starving children in refugee camps.. No .. They don't touch my soul the way 'she' does.

Who is She ? She is a little old lady, a little old grandmother with sweet eyes and a lovely smile. She is the one i always walk by whenever i go shopping in Aachen. I see her sitting there, At the base of the Aachen cathedral. All her belongings in plastic bags, huddled against the cold .. but ALWAYS , ALWAYS smiling at the people that pass by. Gentle but proud eyes. A warm smile when you put your change in the turned over hat she has before her. She never begs, never asks. She just sits there and smiles. And somehow I can't bear the thought of her sitting there. I can't banish her eyes from the back of my mind. Can't get rid of the thought that with the money we spend on gifts and presents, this lady would be able to survive for months to come. And I cannot sit and eat and feast .. knowing there is ONE person that cannot share what i have. I can banish the thousand children from my consciousness. But I cannot escape her smiling eyes.

So i refrain from wishing you a merry Christmas. You who are well fed, warm and covered in comfortable clothes. I will not wish you peace and happiness, for you have it all… More then you know. If if have my wishes to give it will be to her. That she may find peace in her struggle for survival. That she might find joy in these dark days. That she might find company when loneliness cuts like a knife. And that the good luck might pass us by and walk straight into her arms. In these days when everything is so unfairly divided, I can only pray for one peace to come to us.. Peace of mind.

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The truth is a lie with a poor sence of imagination.

Hmm, just found the cutest thing on line. I used to have a blog at livejournal remember ? Well , they have this little News Feed you can check into (its also on a webpage) that has every blogg on it that was recently posted. Its a tapestry of entry’s from various bloggers and.. When you start to read trough it it’s like listening to the whispers of the cyber world. Amazing, addictive too 🙂 So many voices, so many thoughts, so many feelings. A complete freedom of the mind in the realm of cyberspace. This is truly something to marvel at sometime. And perhaps half of it is useless banter, it’s still important enough for those people to write it down. And who says your words are so important. Every one of us puts his on values in his own thoughts and into those of the others. As I stand amidst the rolling cloud of cyberspace I cannot but stop and wonder in awe at the fantastic things that happen there every day. Always on the brink of yet another revolution. Check it out http://www.livejournal.com/stats/latest.bml A little taste: How's this for random quotes:”I felt the dagger sink into my back. I could feel the warm blood trickle down my cold back, dripping to the ground. I stood there in shock, almost wanting to know why he had done this to me. The cold seeped into my bones as he stared into my eyes. I saw no emotion on his cold face. How could he do this to me? It was I who helped him when he needed it the most, I who tended to his wounds, and I who gave him shelter when he had none. Now he had betrayed me. I looked into his blue eyes, as cold as ice, and saw nothing." by imouto_ko.

Outside the rain is pouring down. The world looks like its gonna double over on itself and crawl in a corner like a wet blanket. A lot of work awaits me when I get home although I wish a good book, a nice cd and a hot cup of cappuccino would be there instead. Just sit in my favorite Cafe for a bit, watch the people get wet outside. Wouldn't that be nice?

One of my co-workers came up to me yesterday, looked at me and said: "You're a Geek!" … YEEEY! I'm a GEEK! To those oblivious to what a GEEK is, a GEEK is kind of a technocrat who lives his life surrounded by the coolest gadgets and who finds a way of incorporating them into his everyday life. It’s easier to mug a geek using an EMP-gun then a switchblade. So what! I’m a geek and I’m proud of it. Living at technologies cutting edge and handling the gizmo’s as if they where the most normal thing in the world IS my thing. It’s like walking into a tribe of bush people with a mirror sometimes. But still. It’s cool when you're blasé about it. Yesterday Nyana hiked up to her house with her own laptop. I mean YEAY !!! When your GF pads around with her own PC cause she likes it .. It’s damn sexy! Geekdom rocks :).

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When you put your reflection in front of the mirror.. who is who ?

The autumn outside is slowly giving way. Every fiber in my body senses the growing defeat of falling leaves against the rising up March of the steel swords of winter. As I drove home yesterday evening it pleased me to have another wonderful cd in the player. The ones among you who only know VANGELIS from all time hits like Pulstar and Chariots of Fire are surely missing out something when they have never heard his recent albums. As the dark clouds closed the canopy above me and taillights pierced the murky darkness I crawled deep into my bubble of steel and floated trough the world on the tones of ' EL GRECO ' This cd filled with dark and gloomy tracks wrapped its sounds around me like a warm blanket. As drivers beside me ate up their steering wheels in frustrations I let my mind and thoughts be engulfed by the powerful sounds of Monserat Caballe and the Instrumental virtuoso Himself (Vangelis Pappadoplous). To write about music is like painting an apple. No matter how good you can describe it, there is no way you can taste it. But it was wonderful. Somehow driving makes me very relaxed and with the right music I am engulfed in the world of my own thoughts and feelings for that secluded time when I am driving home. Ever since I started working on this side of the country I have had calmness settle over me in the mornings. In the darkness of the dawning globe, I can let my feelings, impressions, emotions and idea's flow freely. As if life is a chessboard I pick up the peaces of my everyday life and roll them over in my hands, try to see them from every angle and decide where to move them next. Perhaps it is the coming of age; perhaps it is the time of the year. But somehow I feel that, looking back to the turbulent months that lay behind me, I have changed. I have always been this ever-changing chameleon, never quite the same in two places but still. How great is the difference once again. Those who knew me then and there would be surprised to see me here. And I? I find peace with it all because I know I am true to myself no matter who I may appear to be. Life is a shifting duality of shadow and light. And although those close to me think they know me. I can only give them a mysterious smile and think 'you don't have a clue yet…’

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Random poetry

Why is it that when silence is closest to me, my thoughts drift off like snow in the wind
Towards fields of placid sorrow in melancholic smiles. Safe is how I feel with its velvet cloack draped around me. And yett… Silence and sorrow go hand in hand and if the pool of tranquility resides amids the dying willows then happyness is the illusion of sound. Or is sadness the echo of silence.

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